what bonded him to her?

(inside a womans mind - internet)

 "...a sensitive tolerance of your stubbornness to hold on to the idea that it be taboo to let fly your sensual side.
The emotional frailty should u feel dejected and misunderstood, pushed, before u are ready to jump.
jump...?... where...?...nowhere actually...simply to embrace that which is already there...."


With all the calm he could muster, he stepped across the threshold, heart erratic, unsure if it was the right thing to do. But, he had to try. He had to find it again. He felt so dead ....so numb.
How many times he had sat with his manhood in hand, caressing himself into a hardness...what was in his head...?...not much...usually the same old same old...a fantasy of some sort.
Sexual and sensual intimacies between him and his partner had become so mundane, a chore, an expectation just to keep the ball rolling.
Was that how it was supposed to be or, was it more that they had grown apart...whatever the case was, he couldn't imagine she was content...how could she be...?... he wasn't...he wondered.In actuality, it didn't matter anymore.
That sensual, that sexual part...there or not...was not what kept them together... routine, the life they had shared over so many years...a loyalty to their efforts and what they had created....that is what kept them together...a love deeper than the physicality of self.

It was a conversation he had overheard that got him stepping over the threshold.
It went something like ...."...oh come on Jess! Who cares if there is an afterlife?? Who cares what is to come? U wont remember this life anyway, never mind any other previous lives! And u want me to live in this hell i know both of us are in?? Don't u think we both deserve better in this life?? This life we know and are aware of?? and should we meet in our next life...well..Que sera sera..."....he heard pain in the speakers voice. He thought it must have taken a lot of courage to broach a subject so sensitive and most definitely painful.

He got to thinking...was he destined to be loyal and accommodating in this life? This life that he claimed to cherish and honour living it to the fullest? The reality hurt for, he did not like the answer.

 
"...how piteous u are in your state of confusion...a grown man...an intelligent worldly man...stop whimpering...!... and wallowing...!...in your unnecessary numbness..

...come...

...give me your hands and let them be filled with the soft firm fullness of my breasts...feel...feel my nipples as they harden under your touch...let me pull your head back and sink my teeth into the side of your neck and pretend to suck out the very life that sadly fills your veins!!

Awake and moan for me!

Beg me to awaken those loins of yours!!

Beg for mercy as i ride ...deep and harsh your hard manhood...growl for me and pull me harder on u thrusting higher and higher as u feel the life seep back into every pore of your physical form...that kaleidoscope of brilliant colour...an explosive rainbow as u shout....

OH MY FUUUCCKKK!?!?!

do u eventually feel life???.... do u feel alive again....???..."


 ...he stepped over the threshold and back into the grey world again...this was just a temporary fix....he would need it over and over and damn the past years that he had surrendered to a bleakness of nothingness. It was time for change.

RB.