unexpected and rewarding returns

...there he was, he had taken the step and called her. It had taken some time, actually, a whole year...no more procrastination and feeling hesitant. What could happen...nothing really. 
He smiled to himself, how people knew to make their lives difficult , never knowing to live in the now...either living in, and, rehashing the past or, fearing the future that hadn't even happened. 
That was his new years resolution...
to live in the now. 
Easier said than done. Mostly because, that which he wished he could show and share with the world, he knew, would be scoffed at or judged, as it did not fit within the parameters or expectations of society. 
There seemed to be no end to the unrealistic expectations he had created for himself...based on what?
It dawned on him that he needed to 'declutter' the confusion in his head. So much of it was nonsense anyway...so much energy spent on nothing more that stressful "what ifs". 
And in that time spent with her, he took away the understanding that he needed to breath...yes breath...look around...and let go. 
Let go to living. Let go to instinctive joy and relish in ones selfish need to share...to share with a loved one...to run naked and love the freedom and most telling state of self and be unapologetic in ones giving of emotional contact.
What another may think...did it really matter? 
He realised, that those who cared to know him, would see the good in his care-free well-being and, to run alongside, would only guarantee a satiated content state of being.
He walked away from an indulgence where the returns were most unexpected and most rewarding...RB.