the man who wished to lose control

(the sexual revolution and the do nothing church)

A personal share that had me thinking...thank u 'wilderness' for your friendly candidness...
 

Once upon a time there was a man who had lived his life as best as he thought it should be lived. He had taken note of societies many guidelines. 
He considered himself a fair husband, a reliable provider, an above average parent and a loyal friend...a diligent worker who had managed to make a success of his engineering degree, landing an extremely lucrative contract that afforded him comforts above the average earner....always caring never to fly too high for he did not wish to fall too far.
Then came the culmination of a many many year marriage... a building sourness and alienation between him and his wife...a divorce. 
Taken aback at how his life had played out...he decided conclusively, without hesitancy or doubt...that he wanted to lose control of all things pertinent and giving definition to his existence till then.
No longer did he care to not drink...he even dabbled in a drug binge...women who didn't care to want long term relationships and were happy to be a roll in the sack just for the night...questionable crowds of 'friends'...who cared to eat?...he even decided to be an absent parent, a questionable character to those who had known him till then.
Who the fuck cared...?...he didn't and thus it was okay.

But.

No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't lose control...whenever he thought he was nearly there...he found himself very aware of who he was...never beyond that point of total loss to the reality of his life, his existence.
Annoyed, he began to think that losing control was not possible...that he didn't know how...and thus he re-analysed what next.
He didn't want to go back to his old ways. He didn't care to believe all the 'truths' society wished to force upon all. 
In his journey of hopeful loss of control, he had discovered other realities and truths society would deem threatening, taboo and unacceptable...whereas they were nothing more than a liberation of Spirit, Mind and Soul...the ability to acknowledge ones self...the ability to realise what be ones true core...ones core of happiness.
It dawned upon him...he had in fact lost control...he had stumbled upon the true meaning of letting go... selfish...eventual...indulgence in self and making his life, as he liked to put it, as small as possible.

Once upon a time there was a man who did stumble upon his ability to lose control and live a life simple, fulfilled, earthy and real. 

RB.