the value...he would work hard to make it right

(source - internet)

When a relationships worth is of such value that no matter the pain and rejection, to work at making it right again... outweighs anything else....

"...but, if you know then why do you stay?"

"...maybe...because..." he hesitated, sadness permeating from every pore of his body, his eyes far...unseeing..."...maybe..." a longer pause.

His pain was so tangible, she could feel it and her heart began to feel the grip of his anguish.

He sobbed, and eventually the words came out.

Raspy, painful.

"...i am scared to rock the boat"...."....i am scared of losing her..."

Immediately he felt guilty, he felt as if he had betrayed the lie he had been keeping under wraps for so long, that he had voiced his biggest fear, wandering if the universe was going to be so cruel and hear him and thus bring about that, which he dare not even imagine happen.

It dawned on him that he had defined his existence by their union, no matter how good or bad it may have been, it gave him meaning, it gave him purpose, it was proof of all the years lived and, of what he had achieved.

To let it go would mean he had amounted to nothing. 
Funny how he couldn't separate himself from her. She had been an integral part of creating the life he knew. She had given birth to his children, brought them up into the jewels they were. Their home had known uplifting times and those that he cared not to remember but, overall, worth every second lived.

And when the signs were there that something was just not right, he dug his head deeper into the sand and, believed, it was nothing more than a necessary glitch of a relationship of many many years.

As she withdrew further into her shell, he found solace in the internet and lovelies who sold intimacies of the kindest sorts where bodily favours were shared readily yet, the mind fell deeper and deeper into a crevice of severe wrenching loneliness that eventually became a numb way of living.

What he hadn't realised, is, that he had added gas to the smoke and instead of blowing with all his might to make sure the smoke dissipated, it became a spark and then a raging fire....

Yes. They were happy. They were mates, companions, enjoying family and friends. Revelling in the success of their children. Their business thrived, they worked perfectly in tandem. A comfort rarely seen between people who had shared a union of 35 years...even though the intimacy was not there.

All of a sudden flash backs of incidences began to make sense and he realised she had been cheating on him for many many years.
She had taken on lovers and had filled that gap where he was not able to.  
How could he have missed it...???

 How could he have not known.

And that morning, sitting all exposed, wishing so deeply to feel loved and wanted... 

for the first time in his life, he acknowledged....he had known but, never wanted to admit to it...

He realised, he would rather stay with the pain and work through it, than imagine losing his wife. 

She was his true love after all and worthy of his loyalty. He would fight for what they had had and make it right again.

It had been good and it could be good again. They had taken a vow...they were bonded for life. 

He sighed deeply...and wished.

RB.