middle-age .....abyss

An analysis of where he was at. The deeper he delved the more he realised how fulfilling his life had been. And although he sat at the precipice of uncertainty wandering what if....he knew that the 'what if' at the end of the day, would have had him asking the same questions.

He sighed. Why the dissatisfaction? Why the feeling as if he had missed out on something?

He concluded, it was sheer tiredness of a very full life.
Running to meet the responsibilities and obligations of being an adult. A successful adult at that. Realising the pace that had been set, was his own doing. There had been no intention of keeping up with the Jones's....he simply knew how to be successful.
He knew how to appeal to a woman attractive. She knew how to spend money....but, he had not complained. Thus the frustration of maxed credit cards was through no fault of hers.
He had wanted a family, thus children,  just as much as she had....they were a Blessing. They gave him purpose. His hard work, he realised, a legacy for his children...and even though the niggling worry they should not have it so easy....he knew they would grow his little wealth and make it their success.

A middle aged man...what more was there to do? He had done it all....all as he thought should be done. He had known love. Deep lust. Burning yearnings satiated. Games of naughty fantasies they had played...where did that all disappear to......did she feel the same as him? Did she crave to have him back as much as he craved to have her back

or

was it an impossibility.....too much water having passed under the bridge...?

He sighed....picked up the car keys....a silent walk to the garage...head hung low....all he wanted was someone to love him like he knew it could be.....even if he had to pay for it....for it seemed nothing was forthcoming at home.

His heart was numb.

RB.