Friday, 20 April 2018

sensual rediscovery...but, had it ever been there?

nude art - Ghislain Posscat

 It wasn't as if he hadn't participated in many a naughty event. His curious youth  had led him to seek and taste the pleasures of  offers made by gorgeous young students, willing to share a romp in a tiny single bed in dormitories solely meant for the male gender.
Those girls had been desires fulfilled, the bane of his concentration in lectures too long...they had him and his fellow gents prancing around like roosters set free among the chicks. It was all in good cry of sexual abuse or inappropriate advances...the promiscuity of youth.
As time past his behaviour and his need began to take shape within the boundaries dictated and set by society, peers and family.
The path chosen was one of least resistance, reaping rewards of a wife 'perfect', his demanding children his pride and joy, his education affording him a comfortable corporate space, accumulating above average wealth.
And there he was...longing once again...for the promiscuity of youth. Something had gone amiss and it all started with a picture he came across in a magazine.
He sat and pondered if he had ever known to be in touch with his sensual side. Had it solely been about the sexual conquer rather than the discovery of something deeper and more meaningful? He tried to recall the beginning of the relationship that culminated into marriage...had he and his wife ever known to be enthralled and absorbed in each others needs on a sensual level?... had they ever spent time just feeling and touching and kissing and falling deeply in love with each others being rather than the physicality of of contact, aroused by naked flesh on flesh? 
It dawned on him that he could not remember any act of gentleness , loss in time... where the two of them simply stared in each others eyes and felt as if nothing else mattered or existed.
In his heart he knew, that was not the reason he had married her. Yes. he had loved her. But, loved her the way society had taught him love should be. He never thought to question that it could be different and built his world around stolen moments where the two of them indulged in each others company like good mates would. Sex was there. Laughs were there. A good life was he wondered at his complacency , not having wanted more or thought there could be more.
The truth of the matter was, that along the road he had questioned if there was more to love than the societal dictates of what it should be... maybe....naughtier?...sexier?...more indulgent?....fulfilling?...and then he would suppress those thoughts reminding himself that the grass could not be greener on the other side.
Why was it then, that out there another world existed, another reality, where many dared to address and acknowledge their sensuality? Why had he thought it taboo and not 'good enough' for his reality? A thing to be kept under wraps? He realised all these years he had confused sexuality with sensuality and wondered if it was too late for him and his wife to try and find that gentle indulgence of each others burning passion.
He wondered if she would know to bring out in him what he had discovered with another woman...he decided to try.


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